So many beautiful reasons to be happy.

I am writing this in one of my finest moods.

I have seen so many things unfold in my life in just these two months. When I turned down, depressed for one whole year, almost lost faith and trust, never did I think of God’s plan. Maybe because I was never into religion, I did all the obligatory things to be done, but my body not soul. I kept complaining about every single thing that went wrong. I continued on the dry land with no hopes, but continued, because I never wanted anyone else to know that I was depressed and lost, specially my parents. Sports being one of my greatest passions, lifted me up a bit. I could forget about everything I was worried about when I sprinted. Though, just few seconds.

Gradually I started to accept the way my life is and started to work with things around me. I came across the real good people, people who had the worst experiences and made their life beautiful, people who genuinely loved, cared and people who noticed inner beauty.

Inspiration brought me closer to happiness.

And almost a year later I made up my mind that no matter what, I am going to do things to utmost perfection yet imperfect. I will enjoy every single moment, cherish every moment I meet or see the people I love. It was a simple decision taken up in my mind. Never thought of it every day nor wrote it down anywhere, but something led me on the exact path I wanted to go. I stopped thinking about people who wanted to destroy me, who hated me because if I thought about them, my life was being under their control. And I have made myself stronger than ever to keep away from people who don’t deserve to be around me and right now I only have people who deserve to be with me and I with them.

If you are one of those I have around me, you are among those I love.

It even includes few people I have met through my blog and made friends, not just people I have spoken to verbally.

I choose to be happy, love every beautiful soul, and respect my family and religion. And move on in life no matter how huge the thunder is, and use the lightning to bring beauty in.

God is the best of the planners and he has even bigger dreams for you than yours.

Let Go and Let God handle it.

Cochin, Ernakulam

18^th February 2016

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Just wanted to share another piece of happiness, I was awarded on 17th February in IISJ for being national topper in Humanities Stream among all the CBSE affiliated schools in Saudi Arabia.

Even though I never aimed at being one, I believe whenever God gives, he gives the bestest of best. Seeing my family so happy and proud, just brightened me up. 

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Nineteenth Year on the Planet ‘Earth’

When my 24 year old sister acts 14, why can’t I be 18? ;)

I can stay eighteen forever.

Like my previous posts, this is definitely not about being grown up or acting mature or even India.

Experience in simplest words.

I talk to God, almost every single day. Even when I am studying so hard and don’t even have a minute to spare a day before Zoology exam, I talk to him. Of course, I am alone during these times because I wouldn’t want people to judge me on that basis. I do it because it makes me feel good.

My inspirational sister always asked me to turn towards him especially when I get alone and don’t have anyone to talk to. There are certain things I don’t share with a-n-y-o-n-e. She says ‘don’t you know how much a mother loves her child, Allah loves you even more than that.’ She wrote that in a letter she gave me before I left Jeddah, I read it whenever I miss home.

The first three days of college, the fresher’s were given orientation to have an awesome start, on the last day, Beena Ma’m, who shared inspirational experiences from her life, said ‘even if we believe in God, it’s really difficult for us to say “Lord, Have your way in me,” because we are not sure whether God want’s the way we want or whether we would like the path he chooses for us.’

I have a huge collection of dreams, few more like impossible, but I wanted each one of them to come true at some point in my life. I was never gonna give everything in his hands, even though somewhere I knew everything was under his control. What if he skipped one of my dreams?

When I went to sleep, crying every night because I was too far from home, alone in hostel, missed the free flowing life, I asked him why can’t I just be strong and let the three years to pass especially when I thought I am not sentimental. I asked him too many questions and then went to sleep.

I don’t remember when was it that I made up my mind to accept his way in me and go through it no matter what. It wasn’t a decision taken one fine day, it just happened eventually.

I’m sure I see dreams every day, though I forget most of them. There are few dreams I can remember with exact details. About my future, my fears, my expectations and even my weaknesses. Obviously all of this didn’t start suddenly, it’s happening since the past few years, but it took time for me to notice the way things are proceeding in my life.

Sometimes I just look up, smile and say, “I know that was you Lord, Thanks!”

2:27 PM (IST)

17th January 2016

Vengara, India

Notice the 7 again. ;)

Best Days

Wasn't planning to post anything this month until one of my friends messaged me this.
Prompted me to post.

A cruise ship met with an incident at sea, on the ship was a pair of couple, after having made their way to the lifeboat, they realized that there was only space for one person let.
At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.
The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.
The teacher stopped and asked, "What do you think she shouted?"
Most of the students excitedly answered, "I hate you, I was blind!"
Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied, "Teacher, I believe she would have shouted - Take care of our child!"
The teacher was surprised, asking "Have you heard this story before?"
The boy shook his head, "Nope, but that was what my mum told my dad before she died to disease."
The teacher lamented, "The answer is right."
The cruise sunk, the man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.
Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.
It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with a terminal illness. At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival.
He wrote in his diary, "How I wished to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone."
The story is finished, the class was silent.
The teacher knows that the students have understood the moral of the story,  that of the good and evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.
Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.
Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.
Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.
Those who apologizes first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.
Those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you anything but because they see you as a true friend.

Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart. One day all of us will get separated from each other, we will miss our conversations of everything and nothing; the dreams that we had. Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare... One day our children will see our pictures and ask 'Who are these people?' And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say : 'It was them that I had the best days of my life with.'

Taught me so much.

4: 55 PM (GMT +3)
31st December 2015
Bahrah, Saudi Arabia

Last Day in India for 2015

The six months wait is over. Hoping not to make it a negative post like the previous ones.

First two-three months were tough, but the other three were smoother. It was my cousin's wedding today. I was meeting my relatives and cousins probably after months. Wedding is always a get-together.
I have made more good friends in these few months. Friends worth being called a friend.
Having the tag of 'NRI', born and brought up in Saudi Arabia, who can't speak proper Malayalam, I thought it would be difficult to make good friends, specially those who can understand me. Yes, it sure was difficult, but come on, nothing good or worth comes easily.

Nufa, who sometimes is shockingly great at understanding what I am just gonna say. She's from my district in Kerala, so she can understand at least a bit of my Malayalam.
Rizwin, she's our selfie stick, sounds like a guy's name, empathies, she can laugh at the lamest jokes and make others laugh too.
I love people who can make me laugh and those with a good sense of humour.
Mariya, who never misses an opportunity to show off  'the perfect teeth', or like I call it 'Smile worth million bucks.'
Lakshmi, who is madly in love with her place, Thrissur. She has got the Trichur accent too and the way she says 'A a aaa' in that typical Mallu tone sounds funny.
Sanjuna, the lipstick queen, she doesn't need a mirror to apply lipstick, she is a pro at it.
Parvathy, the tallest among us and the one with a lazy bum. She is so damn lazy to attend classes that one of her teachers once asked 'Did she get married?'

I love my class mates for bearing with me cause I have been the worst representative they could ever get, yet they selected me again for the second semester, which is hilarious. Maybe they like a lazy, irresponsible 'Rep' who is never in the class.
I have learnt to manage myself. I have experienced real hunger. When you know you have no other choice but to survive this period, you learn to adjust. Yes, I have learnt to adjust.

Staying away from home and family, taught me their value. I have never stayed away for this long. And this would be my story for the next two years to come. I have huge dreams and I am surviving this period for those dreams to come true someday.
Plus, I have shed more parts of the Tom boy. Though I still hate pink or anything too girly.
Now ready for the next challenges that life has to offer.

11:07 PM (IST)
17th December 2015

Notice the 7. ;)

A Huge THANK YOU to everyone I've met this year, for the changes you have brought in me. May Lord bless everyone with goodness.

College life?

Been in St. Teresa’s for four months, India for five months and ten months as an adult, though I can still feel the adolescent in me. This post is about all that.

Maybe a bit long post, but if you know me, I know you will read through.

I miss my parents, sisters, friends and Jeddah badly. I am at my Mom’s place. It is here that I update my blog. I can’t write regularly even if I want to. In the hostel I am too busy or lazy to write. I am going back to the hostel in two days and I thought I need to update things here before I go back.

I have my Semester exams going on. Ignoring that, I am going back home on 18^th of next month. Yeah, after S-I-X months! Will be back home in 38 days. Insha Allah.

I have come to love the number ‘18’ after ‘7.’ My name has got 7 letters, my birthday is on 7^th of Jan, 1997. I made it my favourite number when I was in tenth, when my class used to be XA7, Roll no, 07. Hah!

So.

St. Teresa’s, instead of calling it a College, I call it post-school.

As far as I have been told, this is the part of our life where we can enjoy the most or where we must enjoy the most because after this it is never the same. Later, you become someone’s wife, then mother and then the generation just moves on. Doesn't mean that the happy life just ends, it may be happier but with lots of responsibilities, losses and gains.

In St. Teresa’s I bunk less. Like very less. We are fined if we are seen walking around, 500 Rs for just sitting in the Gym Plaza during class hours. I have not been fined yet though. Gym Plaza is where you can relax and have a coffee break as our mini canteen is just close. Gym Plaza is actually our basketball court.

The reason I bunk less is not because of the fine, its cause I am the class representative. I am the one who has to carry the attendance register and take attendance every hour. Duh.

Bunking for me isn't jumping off the college wall or going to Centre Square Mall.

It is relief, when I am tired of listening to ‘….The body is leaf like, dorsoventrally flattened and bilaterally symmetrical and comes to about 0.5 mm in length and 0.25 mm in breadth…’ Here, I can be a teacher too.

My Mom knows I bunk certain classes, she doesn't have an issue until it affects me in a negative way. She understands, who can sit for two hours listening to one super fast express read out from the text about creatures we can’t see with the naked eye? Why, I could be a teacher too.

Zoology, two hours. I run to the hostel. Slowly sneak in and go to my room. Call Mom and tell her, “It’s Zoology and it’s the same whether I sit there or not.” I never miss Chemistry classes, because the tutor is good at fixing the topics in my mind. Coming from Humanities background, who knew I would kinda like Chemistry?

I don’t want to be a part of those who wanna sit in the class whether they understand or not and in the end doesn't even score well. And their attendance goes like

Xania Yas Zas        | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | P | Ab | P | P | P | P | P | P | P |

That ‘Ab’ you see right there, I am sure they are still crying at it.

Before joining St. Teresa’s few said ‘girls become bold, like very bold after joining St. Teresa’s’, someone told my Mother ‘The boys are scared of the girls from St. Teresa’s.’ Enough for my Mom to freak out.

LMAO. Like seriously. There’s nothing as such. Nothing’s like the way it looks from outside.

Adult life. I can say my thoughts have matured a bit or at least I still don’t think of dumb impossible things, the people I like and love and the way I think about certain people also have changed.  I used to prefer people who are a kinda soft or introverts but now I prefer more of the strong or kinda extroverts, not extreme either. I like people who speak up opening their heart and share their feelings. When you listen to them you know they aren't lying and their words are true. Yeah. I have got such friends too. Rest, it’s the same.

Right now, I don’t wanna think of what’s to come in future or what was life few months back, because the either makes me sad or scared or both. Right now, let me complete the next two years and wait for the goodness in store for me.

I write about me here not because I want the public to read about my life, I know they don't even care, but because I can mostly put up everything I feel and experience in a better way when I write. And behind my each post, I write for certain people to read. And also the people I believe read my blog, are the people I write the posts for.  

Ending with my sister’s quote. “On the path to your dreams you may come across temporary unhappiness. Dare to go on and at the end of the road your dreams will sparkle more than anything else you behold. Trust Allah. All the pain will be worth it.”

I received her quote as a message on 31^st of August 2015 at 11:05 AM, a day after her wedding anniversary. Quote’s value says the previous statement.

Little Things ♡

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

-          Robert Brault

Little things mean a lot, but sometimes the smallest and the strangest of them can make your day. These little things, be they gestures, actions or words, are the many small things we do every day and that naturally expresses our heart.

They are not the result of calculations or intentions, but are rather spontaneous expression of what we exactly feel. Continued happiness does not come from occasional grand events or achievements, but from little things that fill our daily lives. There are so many of them that you would never realize till it’s late or you are made to remember.

Small doses of happiness.

·         The first time your feet slides effortlessly into new pair of socks.

·         When you wake up just few seconds before the alarm and you silence the beastly bell.

Hell Yeah!

·         When you just look at your friend and she understands what you exactly feel.

·         When someone buys something for you as well when they get for themselves.

           Coffee? Chocolates? Umm.

·         When you move around an area for someone to notice you or talk to you and that person does it.

           Yippieee!

·         When you wake up early in the morning for college or work and realize its Sunday!

·         When people respect your privacy and give you space when you badly need it.

·         Someone remembers everything you said that day and you thought they weren’t listening to you.

           How’s Regina? Is she fine after all the depressing events?

           (Aww. You were actually listening?)

·         Or someone remembers a random moment from the time you’ve spent with them.

           Remember the time when we used to send satirical messages to each other just to keep talking?

          (Gosh. I almost forgot about that. You remember all that?)

Some doses of positive illusions are valuable for long term love and happiness. Small manifestations of our love like linking arms when crossing the street or sending the warmth of a secret smile are natural and spontaneous actions that genuinely reflect more than any expensive gift or grand event. Those are few of ‘em that make my day.

Temme about the lil things that make your day.

Three months in India

It’s been almost three months in India and it seems like it’s been years since I left Jeddah. I have three more months to go back to Jeddah, but I will be there just for ten days. It’s like as if someone just picked me up from my comfort zone and dropped me in a desert.

My parents were here for two months, so I stayed with them for 15+ days. Excluding those 15+ days, everything can be read below.

So. Was I talking about being responsible after coming to India? Learning new things? What have I learnt?

I have learnt to adjust a little bit. Resist Al-Baik, sleep without AC, going to college without ironing clothes, eating food I dislike.

I don’t do any work. In my hostel, the ladies here, do the laundry, make food, and wash utensils. I eat (Most of the times I don’t even do that), pay the Mess Fee (Whether I go to the Mess or Not) Charge my phone & transformer book (5pm-8pm), Study and Sleep.

Oh wait, I do a little hard work to get drinking water.  We need to go to the P.G. Students Hostel to get water. Our hostel’s Water Cooler has leakage and no one bothers to fix it.

And the toilet, Indian closets, NO Jet spray, and NO Flush facility – we pour a bucket of water after we use. Its hostel na, that’s how it’s supposed to be. This is not about Kerala or India. This is about the people’s mentality.

Few students complained about the Breakfast, what did our Hostel Warden say? ‘This food is to just chew. Every Friday aren’t you getting a chance to go home? Fill your stomach at home. Or think about the ladies who are of your age itself, wake up early in the morning just to cook for you.’

I keep asking myself, ‘Why man? Why did you wanna study in India and stay in a hostel? Why? You know this is not just the only way to get the Bachelor’s degree.’ Never mind. I can’t answer that. That’s about being a hosteller, life isn’t always nice in the hostel, and I’ve heard a lot about it.

What about College?

College is divided into two. Arts and Science Block. Placed at two different areas. I am in the Science Block. It doesn’t even look like a College. It is just a building that provides education. The Arts Block or the main College Block looks like a college, huge building, but can’t accommodate all the students, therefore, it’s just for the Arts students. The Science Students need to walk to the Arts Block for every program, big announcements, celebrations, to collect cards/Diary and all the official events are held there.

English? No, we speak in Malayalam. If I speak in English, everyone gives a weird stare. Even the teachers take half of the class in Malayalam. They start in English and eventually land in the Malayalam zone. Chemistry in Malayalam, I understand it partially. But few teachers, speak in English and those are the only teachers I like.

Our College is Famous, famous because few celebrities studied here. Wow.

All this doesn't happen because it's India. It happens only because some people just don’t want changes.

Yet, I am not going to Quit, Hopefully. I will do my best to survive the three years to come.