Sunday, January 17, 2016

Nineteenth Year on the Planet ‘Earth’

When my 24 year old sister acts 14, why can’t I be 18? ;)
I can stay eighteen forever.

Like my previous posts, this is definitely not about being grown up or acting mature or even India.
Experience in simplest words.

I talk to God, almost every single day. Even when I am studying so hard and don’t even have a minute to spare a day before Zoology exam, I talk to him. Of course, I am alone during these times because I wouldn’t want people to judge me on that basis. I do it because it makes me feel good.
My inspirational sister always asked me to turn towards him especially when I get alone and don’t have anyone to talk to. There are certain things I don’t share with a-n-y-o-n-e. She says ‘don’t you know how much a mother loves her child, Allah loves you even more than that.’ She wrote that in a letter she gave me before I left Jeddah, I read it whenever I miss home.
The first three days of college, the fresher’s were given orientation to have an awesome start, on the last day, Beena Ma’m, who shared inspirational experiences from her life, said ‘even if we believe in God, it’s really difficult for us to say “Lord, Have your way in me,” because we are not sure whether God want’s the way we want or whether we would like the path he chooses for us.’
I have a huge collection of dreams, few more like impossible, but I wanted each one of them to come true at some point in my life. I was never gonna give everything in his hands, even though somewhere I knew everything was under his control. What if he skipped one of my dreams?
When I went to sleep, crying every night because I was too far from home, alone in hostel, missed the free flowing life, I asked him why can’t I just be strong and let the three years to pass especially when I thought I am not sentimental. I asked him too many questions and then went to sleep.
I don’t remember when was it that I made up my mind to accept his way in me and go through it no matter what. It wasn’t a decision taken one fine day, it just happened eventually.
I’m sure I see dreams every day, though I forget most of them. There are few dreams I can remember with exact details. About my future, my fears, my expectations and even my weaknesses. Obviously all of this didn’t start suddenly, it’s happening since the past few years, but it took time for me to notice the way things are proceeding in my life.

Sometimes I just look up, smile and say, “I know that was you Lord, Thanks!”

2:27 PM (IST)
17th January 2016
Vengara, India

Notice the 7 again. ;)

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