Enigmatic Feelings

There are so many feelings that I can't figure out what they actually mean.  Just like having different feelings for the same moment at different times. You may be the happiest person when something really special happens but later isn't as happy as it is supposed to be. No exact idea why am I writing this up, but this is gonna be quick.
My enigmatic feelings.
Feeling low when you are supposed to be extremely happy or feeling extremely happy when supposed to be low. Having sympathy for someone you don't like. Acting sad to grab someone's attention. Enjoying it when someone is trying to embarrass you. Smiling and acting like everything is okay even when alone. Having hope even after the darkest time has passed. Wanting to take care of someone random. Not believing your own efforts. Acting like not interested in gadgets or smart phones. Acting not convinced even after being convinced. Faking anger. Faking the smile.

Maybe my mind is in a mess right now.

The empty feeling.

The feeling of emptiness is like emotional hunger where you are hungry for something you can't have or get. Depression is one of the strongest reason that can make you feel empty and the combination of both depression and emptiness can be really annoying. You need to figure out your unsatisfied need that is causing this feeling to overcome it. As everyone's unique, each person has a different reason for his / her empty feeling. Most of the people who have the empty feeling inside them have a self understanding problem. Like, if you know that you failed to reach your goal then you would say you are disappointed not empty. In other words, people use this word emptiness to describe a feeling they can't understand. So, gaining self understanding is the most important step in dealing with emptiness and all unwanted emotions. 
You can gain self respect by adhering your values, be brave, never escape and by keeping promises. Keeping promises: Not only the promise you give to others, but also the promises that you give to yourself.

I show not your face but your heart's desire. Erised stra ehru oyt ube eafru oyt on wohsi.

- Mirror of Erised

The last fifteen years.

Learning new things are always exciting. I've learned a lot in the past fifteen years from the first step into this world till what I’m doing right now. 
This year unlike the previous year’s taught me quick lessons and brought new people.

'Just these two months and everything will be different.’ This is ringing around. Everyone's moving on. Things aren't working the same here. Mind echos ‘How and why did things not work the way I wanted..?’ Why do I care more about the past than what I really want. 

Sweet Sixteen now, yeah one month passed. I've been waiting for things to happen and did nothing. And now, when I know I could have changed, nothing can be done. 
Desires change each day like I see new dreams every day. Yesterday is different from today. Yeah, that's how mind works now.

The last fifteen years...

All the insane, nostalgic, cheerful, strange and weird moments that will be missed. I never cared about what girls meant when they said they are leaving or when they feared about getting or choosing streams in 11th.

A moment when I realize, I  could have done so many things before and can’t do anything now. 
Shahmida said years back ‘If only I could freeze this moment right now.’  I wish the same!

                                                                       

When nothing can be done. 
I wanna ESCAPE. 

Strange month

Weird.

1. Imagine yourself just going to sleep and you feel like something is wrong with your face. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize that your face doesn't look like yours. It looks more like a Donkey's face.
"Oh God!! Is this me?", I asked. Siddiqa staring at me with an unusual pause and said, "This isn't my Buthatha!", Siddiqa calls me Buthatha, Mom shocked and worried, while Dad didn't notice as he was busy on Beyluxe Messenger.
For few seconds it was just like a dream. I wished it was.
Running to the hospital at night? Oh no! It was a wish come true for my sisters who have always asked me to see a doctor. I H-A-T-E Docs. Whether they treat me or not. I just hate them.
This time, I couldn't make any kind of excuse. Off to the hospital.
The receptionist wrote my Sex as Male :3 as he heard my name. When he was leaving the hospital he asked dad "Where's your son?"
Back home, "I'm not going to school tomorrow! With this swollen face? No way!" But I did go to school the next day, only because of the sports selections that were going on in school.

That was my body's reaction to Fish. Yes, I am allergic to fish now.

 1. Two weeks later. While going to Sid's class '4A9' a girl just suddenly came running and caught my hand firmly as though she knew me and kept on saying 'Didi, Aap kahi math jaeye. Pls! Pls!' Sister, please don't go anywhere, please, please! (Hindi)
"Hey, Do I know you?" I asked, confused, the girl kept on repeating the same words 'Didi, Aap kahi math jaeye. Pls! Pls!'
She took me to her class, showed me her seat, lunch box and bag.
I was like, Why is she showing me her things? 
Wait! Who the hell is she?
She asked me to wait for her in her class and left. Well, I didn't wait, all I did was run away!

Weirdos everywhere.

3. The next week, during my 400 meter race, just before the finish line my legs just stopped. The next moment, I was on the ground. Just before the finish line! I could hear people shouting and screaming, while a girl just finished the race. I heard some teacher shout 'Come on! Shurooq, take two steps and you'll come at least third!' When I heard that, I got up. Took two steps and fell down again. But, I completed my race.
The next day, for Long Jump, it was more like 'roll on the stinky sand as long as you can.' There was cat poop in the sand and all the three times I jumped, I rolled on the sand.
The same day, for 200 meter race, I was all ready to run and get the trophy while listening to 'On your mark,' 'Get set,' as soon as I heard 'Go' I slipped.
Yeah, Unlucky.

4. Oh yeah, by the end of the month, I tried having Fish. Swollen Face again. :(

I hope something good comes up this month!

- Shark